Lab Laughs!
The jokes are on us this April Fools' Day with this collection of quirky quips and funny lab stories! When it comes to science-themed jokes we know that all the best ones... argon (ahem!)... so we turned to the internet and our online community for quips and funny lab stories to help us raise a smile today. Some are funny, some make you think, and some are...well...just plain bad! Enjoy!
Short but funny
- A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
- What's the best way to study for a DNA test? Highlight the answers with a genetic marker.
- You matter! Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light square… then you energy!
- What did the amino acid say when he was asked the time? It's threonine.
A biochemist walks into a bar...
- A biochemist walks into a bar and orders some adenosine triphosphate. The bartender replies ‘that’s 80p to you’.
- A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effects. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
- A biologist grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results... speak for themselves.
- My lab manager is keen to invest in a new microscope for our lab. It's something she's hoping to look into soon.
How many biologists does it take?
- How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
- How many scientists does it take to change a light bulb? The current theory is one, but new theories are being put forward all the time and with experimentation the old theory may soon be discredited.
Bee-have yourself in the lab
Brittany Berdy of the Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard told us about a funny lab experience that left us buzzing with laughter....
"We were working with honey bees at Harvard, and we had many hilarious instances where the bees would get the better of us! My personal favourite was when we had seven hives outside on a roof deck. The bees really liked to follow us back into the building but the other scientists working inside were not so keen on this! So my colleague Claire and I would go to one end of the deck and wait for all the bees congregate around us. Then one of us would run as fast as we could across the deck, hoping to leave the bees behind us, and jump inside. Then the next one of us would repeat this. Keep in mind though, we were wearing full bee suits with face coverings and gloves, running across an open roof deck facing the Charles River. It was definitely an odd sight for passers-by!"
Doctor, doctor...
- Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards." Me: "...and?"
- I went to the doctor to get a cognitive test. The cardiologist told me "you're not very bright but your heart's in the right place".
It's a family affair
- Q: What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? A: “Mitosis!”
- My grandfather was told a joke about genetics. My dad didn't get it, but I did.
- What's the opposite of antibiotics? Unclebiotics
Don't count on it!
A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician were observing an empty building. They noted two people entering the building and sometime later observed three coming out.
The biologist remarked, “Oh, they must have reproduced.”
The engineer said, “Our initial count must have been incorrect.”
The mathematician stated, “Now if one more person goes into the building, it will be completely empty.”
Brainy jokes
- Why did the neuron like to sleep on the top bunk? Because it wanted to have a high resting potential.
- What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech? "Thanks for the memories."
- Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office? It had trouble controlling its impulses.
- What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they were married? Carried it over the threshold.
- What happens when you bother the parietal lobe? It gets very touchy!
Feeling blue
And finally, Hello Bio's own Sam Roome told us about a memorable lab incident that left a colleague feeling a little blue...
"A friend came out of the weighing room after weighing out some dye - without realising that she had somehow got the blue dye all over her face. We immediately escorted her to the lab manager to get her cleaned up, and thankfully she suffered no ill effects. Luckily, she saw the funny side – which was just as well, as there was much hilarity in the lab and frequent ‘blue’ jokes (mainly about smurfs) from then on in!"
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